If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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