if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
