i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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