I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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