just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
