What a fucking waste of an outfit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
