its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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