He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
