K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
