I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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