woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
