sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
