So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i came on her dog
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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