She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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