Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
