i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
