is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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