A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
