Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The air taste purple.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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