guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
