This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
