that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Two words: blizzard sex
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
