The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
