I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
