wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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