He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
