i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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