i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
