69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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