you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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