My hair reeks of homosexuality.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
