Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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