why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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