remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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