when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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