I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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