I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
