A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
