How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize