your thong is hanging out like whoa
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
