eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
