R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
