woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I could fuck to npr.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
