i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
