I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
