I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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