STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
