just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
