WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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