when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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