It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize