he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize