Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
