When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
