Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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