When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
