Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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