this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
