Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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