I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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