There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize