if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I AM VODKA MAN
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
