I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
