walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
