I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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