I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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