There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
