Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
