you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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