Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
