Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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