totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
