Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
