Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
