White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
