she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
