Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
