and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
