I am puke
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
