Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
