i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
