We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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