I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
