Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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