you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
