I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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